


Meetings

by jurisan18



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6910201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jurisan18/pseuds/jurisan18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa reminisces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> A bit canon divergent, but that's okay, right? Better than the ending we got.

It had been love at first sight. A shock of electricity zapped through her body and caught her completely off guard. She decided in the blink of an eye it was a secret she’d not willingly divulge to the blonde vision standing before her. She was Commander, after all. She had a reputation to protect. People to lead. Wars to fight. Enemies to kill. She had to remain hard and emotionless no matter what. Time honored teachings had been drilled into her head since she was young. Love was weakness. She could not afford to look weak now.

Except why oh why were the feelings building within her threatening to crash down upon everything she knew?

Lexa took a long deep breath and pushed down all she felt welling up inside her. She had to mentally stop herself from staring with hearts in her eyes. Her outward appearance would never betray any of what she was thinking in that single moment. She would be firm, almost nonchalant, in her approach as if this girl was just another in a long line wanting an audience with the great Commander.

Green eyes met blue.

Stoic. Knife in hand. Expressionless. “You’re the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive.” Great opening sentence. It set a tone. Everyone in the room would know she was serious. Tragedies of the past would not be forgiven or forgotten. She congratulated herself. It was a solid start and gave away none of the emotion thumping within her chest.

“You’re the one who sent them there to kill us,” the blonde shot back.

Lexa’s heart skipped. She froze in her seat as a lightning bolt ran up and down her spine. She felt a sudden rush of joy. It was one sentence. _One damn sentence!_ That was all it took for Lexa to realize this girl was special. How else would you describe someone who walked into the camp of their enemy unarmed and alone? If anything, she would make for a worthy adversary. She was confident of that fact. She longed for someone to spar with on a level that went beyond the physical. Her interest was definitely piqued. Who else dared to speak to Heda that way?

No one.

It was exciting.

Really exciting, actually. Lexa had been in charge for quite some time now. And as they said, it was lonely at the top. She was feared and she was respected, which was all well and good, but it was also all business. Always business. She was constantly surrounded by advisors and council members and warriors but they did little in the way of keeping her company. Post battle celebration was a spectacle to behold but mostly Lexa found herself spending that time sitting atop her throne watching the others. To be Heda was to be alone.

So sometimes she was bored. No denying the fact. Same conversations, different days. People did not approach her for random chats about nothing in particular. People didn’t approach her, period. Well, unless they wanted something from her. Or were frantically pleading with her to spare their lives. When she had agreed to meet with Skaikru, earlier in the day, she fully expected to hear the begging. She anticipated it.

Except now here she was with a pretty blonde girl staring back at her, giving her all kinds of low-key sass. No fear. And no begging. It was disappointing in a weird kind of way. Sometimes she really enjoyed the power she wielded. She needed a witty comeback though. A really good one. Something that would bring control of the conversation back into her favor. It was all about control at this point. The young woman needed to understand who was in charge. Even if she was making Lexa tingle in parts of her body she was unaccustomed to.

She mulled her next words over carefully.

Nope. She had nothing. Sky Princess won that round. Lexa would never let on though. That would be her secret. She was already full of secrets and it had only been minutes into their first meeting. Instead she chose to feign ignorance. Best to catch the girl off guard with a question.

She turned the knife over in her hand. Stabbed it lightly into the armrest of her throne as if to prove a point. Put on her best menacing face. “Do you have an answer for me, Clarke of the Sky People?” NAILED IT.

Something in the way the other girls name exited her mouth sounded…nice? Familiar? Powerful? Right? She liked the way it felt rolling off her tongue. She wanted to speak it again soon. And often. Maybe whisper it. Or scream it. Moan it? _Clarke Klark Claaaaarke_. The voices in her head yelled at her to hate the girl. She was the enemy. People had died because of her. They demanded justice.

Voices be damned. She was totally and completely drawn to the blonde.

Though she would never show it.

“I’ve come to make you an offer.”

No no no. The conversation wasn’t going right. Her efforts to intimidate were continually thrown back at her. Where was the cowering? Where were the frightened tears? Where was the ‘yes I’ll do whatever you want just please don’t kill me’?

Clarke was either the most oblivious girl she had ever met or the strongest willed. Lexa suspected the latter and mentally applauded the girl. She hoped Indra and Gustus weren’t seeing the admiration shine through her eyes. She couldn’t tear her gaze away. She didn’t want to.

What was worse was that the girl was matching her gaze. Looking right at her. Totally unheard of in her world. She was used to her subordinates lowering their eyes in obedience. Yes, there certainly was something special about the blonde.

_Ste yuj_ , she told herself.

“This is not a negotiation.” Stern. Yes. That would work. Straight faced and cool.

She wondered what those soft lips tasted like.

_Ah Leksa, control yourself._

“Taik ai frag em op en dison laik odon.” Indra’s words broke Lexa from her daydreams. She quieted her warrior with a wave of her hand. Fantasy would have to wait. Reality stood before her in the body of the captivating creature peering back at her. Again, she steadied herself and set her features. She refused to let her face tell the story of what she was thinking. Or imagining. Or wanting.

“I can help you beat the Mountain Men.”

Lexa almost dropped the knife she was fiddling with. Caught herself in time. Placed her favorite blade in her lap. Wouldn’t do to lose a finger in front of one so bold. To have her blood gush every which way was not going impress the blonde. Unless she had gotten the Sky People all wrong and they liked that sort of thing. They did seem to be an odd sort of people.

_I want her to be impressed with me_. She couldn’t believe the thoughts racing through her head. In a fraction of an instant, she pictured all the ways in which she could impress the blonde. The way her sword sliced through her competition on the battlefield. How she could tame the toughest horses. Her massive candle collection. The way she could throw knives with such quick precision. Or her favorite, kicking those unfortunate idiots who questioned her authority off the ledge of her high tower. She wanted Clarke to see all of these things and more.

_Who in the world was this girl?_ Lexa had never been pulled in so many directions from one encounter before. More than anything she was curious. The blonde had certainly impressed Lexa, which was not an easy thing to do. She wanted to know more about Clarke. Like a moth to a flame, Lexa was drawn in. And she knew that letting this woman into her life was completely unacceptable. She knew the risks. The moth eventually got burned.

How dare this girl walk into her tent all full of hope. Looking for a peaceful resolution. How dare she expect the leader of the 12 Clans to roll over and give in. Did she not understand how war worked? Did she not understand that innocent blood had been spilled and that her people demanded someone be held accountable? Did she not realize that blood must have blood?

Did she know Lexa was completely smitten? Did she know how much Lexa wished, oh how she wished, that the situation had been anything other than what it was? That they were meeting each other under different circumstances?

But no. Sky had fallen to Earth during her time as Commander. Her hands were tied. Bound by 97 years of tradition. Of honor and duty. It didn’t matter how Lexa felt. In short, she wasn’t allowed to feel anything. Everything she had to give was supposed to be for her people.

Except the girl in the blue jacket was trying to give all she had for her own people too.

Something in her head screamed soulmate.

It continued to scream soulmate every day thereafter.

Lexa fondly looked back on the memory of their first meeting. Fateful. Written in the stars. She may not have been allowed to seek comfort in another person, as dictated by fleimkepa and the customs of being Heda, but that would not stop the romantic beating of her heart. She fell for Clarke hard. Every subsequent encounter had solidified that fact. Tried her best to push it all aside for the sake of her people. Lord. For the simple sake of keeping Clarke safe. She knew all too well the hazards of letting someone get close to her.

_Costia_.

That was not a situation she wanted to relive. Ever.

Which meant there was no damn way she’d let Azgeda near Clarke. It played a very big part in the reasons why she was so relentless in her pursuit of Wanheda. Lexa had been terrified the Ice Nation would find Clarke before she could keep her safe. Horrible nightmares had seeped their way into her mind the entire time her warriors had been looking for the Skaikru leader. She hadn’t gotten much sleep then. She had worn groves in the floor with her incessant pacing. Worrisome times, indeed.

Worry had given way to sudden rush of relief as word had come that Roan was making his way back to Polis tower with prize in hand. More relief when the sack over her head had been removed to reveal Clarke underneath. A very angry Clarke. Lexa spoke softly. Gently. Clarke had been running wild for the last three months and Lexa did not want to agitate her any further. She wanted Clarke to feel safe. However, when she looked to the blonde she was met with an intense glare of hatred. A white hot anger radiated from Wanheda. Not surprisingly, Lexa found that it was squarely and solely aimed in her direction. _Let her be mad. At least she’s safe_. Having Clarke in her life had brought with it a lot of firsts for Lexa. Though some had been a bit more unsavory than others. She had never been spit on before. Or had a knife jammed into her throat with such fury.

_But I deserved all of it_.

Small price to pay.

Lexa’s life changed the day she met Clarke.

Their relationship had started off rocky. And that made sense. They were in the middle of a war, after all. A war that initially began between Trikru and Skaikru. Their war had given way to a truce amongst them, and turned instead, into war against a common enemy in Mount Weather. The conditions that surrounded them were not exactly ideal for falling in love. Not ideal to hope for love. Even less of a chance to have love. No, it hadn’t been the best of circumstances. So much was constantly brewing around them. But like magnets to their opposites, they couldn’t stop the attraction. It was against the very essence of nature to deny it.

Lexa’s admiration had been instantaneous.

Clarke’s built slowly over time. She carried so many burdens on her strong shoulders. At the time, it was hard for her to see beyond anything else. Her main focus had always centered on keeping her people alive. But as the pair spent more and more time together ( _for our people, of course_ ) Clarke found she could not refuse her heart. Love blossomed despite the hardships surrounding them. And Clarke, like Lexa, was powerless to stop it. She didn’t want to stop it.

Lexa found it absurdly funny that she had been drawn to Clarke on such an intense level. She had been closed off to the idea of love for such a long time. She was determined to keep her heart hard and impenetrable. No one needed to get hurt because of her weakness. The stories would have written Clarke and Lexa as enemies. Always to argue. Always to fight. Never to see eye to eye. To never be friends, let alone lovers.

_You know what else was funny_ , the thought started in her head, _the fact that I just found something absurdly funny_. Her reputation was not one of humor. Her advisors would never describe her as humorous. Smiles were a rarity. Reserved for her young natblidas during story time. Or for private times alone with Clarke. She controlled giant armies and to be taken serious as a leader she needed to be just that…serious. Sometimes ruthless. Not funny.

Clarke tore down her walls without even trying. The girl from the sky had only to be herself and Lexa was hooked. Clarke was a very unique and complex individual. Lexa had relished every opportunity to get to know her. Every interaction had peeled away a new layer. And each layer had given way to quiet understanding. Lexa realized Clarke was the same as her. She felt very protective over the other woman, for that simple fact. She had faced her own obstacles as leader, her own growing pains, her own worries and doubts. She was sympathetic to all Clarke had and would endure as leader of her own people. Lexa wanted to help Clarke flourish in that role. And if Clarke allowed it, Lexa wanted to be there to teach and guide her.

Quiet moments with Clarke had been her favorite. Both women had such high walls built around them. It wasn’t easy for either of them to let anyone in. Too much pain and loss and suffering in their lives prior to their fateful meeting. It was when they were alone together that they found they could be their true selves. They could relax. An unheard of concept in her world. It was something Clarke brought to their relationship. Taught Lexa it was okay to take a day off from time to time. Okay to take a break from business. She could remove the armor. Let down her guard. She could be vulnerable in ways that actually made her stronger. Made them both stronger. They could be happy and comfortable in their own little world. Words were unnecessary. The silence was a nice change of pace for both women. Lexa sat and read. Clarke sketched with her assortment of charcoals. And Lexa cherished each and every second of it. Contentment. She relished it.

Unfortunately, time alone was few and far between. There always seemed to be battles to fight. Advice to give. People demanding answers. They wanted to lay blame. The two women managed to sneak off now and then for those wonderfully stolen moments Lexa adored. A look. A head nod. The hint of a smile at some untold inside joke. The brush of a fingertip on a hand as they walked the halls side by side. Foot playing with foot underneath the dining table. But before too long someone inevitably came and ruined it.

Indra. Octavia. Titus. Raven.

The names didn’t matter. The distractions didn’t matter.

They managed to fall in love in spite of them.

And Lexa felt so incredibly lucky to be given the chance.

She knew their history. Knew of a time when she had betrayed Clarke’s trust. Not willingly. Not without purpose. The leader in her knew it was absolutely necessary. She had the opportunity to save her people and minimize bloodshed. The decision had not been an easy one. She agonized over it. Tried to plead her case with the voices in her head. But her heart had lost the fight. In the end, she had left Clarke standing alone. She was plagued by guilt immediately. Every fiber of her being had wanted to work with Clarke. Find a solution that would save them all. She was sure their victory would have bonded them forever.

But Heda Lexa knew she could not afford to gamble on only the possibility of a victory. They were up against a very strong and dangerous enemy. Too many uncertainties. Too many questions. She needed something concrete. So she accepted the deal with the Mountain Men.

She saved many of her people that day.

Broke her heart, though. And ruined any hope she had of a future with Clarke.

Her feelings on the matter were inconsequential, though. She would have been lying to herself to think otherwise. She was not naïve. She knew she had destroyed Clarke.

She had broken something inside Clarke that day. And Lexa only had herself to blame.

Once Clarke was back in her life again Lexa made every effort to seek forgiveness for her misdeeds. She apologized. She offered Clarke freedom. Safety. She accepted Clarke’s anger, and more importantly, allowed her to have her anger. She asked to make Clarke’s people the 13th Clan, thereby making them her own people and falling under her protection. (It hadn’t hurt that Clarke bowed before her, ceremony only of course, dressed in something that made Lexa’s breath catch in her throat.) In turn, Lexa had knelt before the beauty that was Clarke Griffin and sworn fealty. The gesture was meant as an apology of sorts ( _actions speaking louder than words_ , she thought) but had turned into something sweet and romantic. Clarke knew the importance of such an action. Heda bowed before no one. But there Heda was, on her knees looking up at the woman who had her heart.

She wasn’t sure what she expected from that quiet moment kneeling on the ground. She looked deep into the eyes of the stunning beauty and exposed herself so completely. No ulterior motives behind the gesture. Innocent. Soul reached out to soul. She wanted Clarke to know how very sorry she was for everything she had done to cause her pain. How she wanted to make amends for everything she had done. She was willing to travel to the ends of the Earth to prove her point.

Then Clarke reached out her hand. And Lexa took it gratefully. Her eyes shined with all the possibilities the gesture offered.

Things had changed for them then. Their time together had only gotten progressively better. Not always great. Unfortunately, there were still serious matters swirling around them. But they had their fair share of happy moments. Comfortable moments. Sweet moments. It didn’t matter the whys of the situation. A cut on a hand. An argument over an Ice Nation challenge. Meeting Aden. A nap. A joke about crossing lines that was filled with smiles and hope. They were enjoying the slow burn of their budding relationship.

Lexa had been gradually working her way back into Clarke’s good graces when the blockade and subsequent kill order were made. It hadn’t necessarily been something Lexa wanted to do. She and Clarke, as Heda and Ambassador, were working toward a peaceful resolution for all involved. However, the man named Pike destroyed everything in one fell swoop. He started his evil reign by gunning down many of her innocent warriors. Warriors sent to Arkadia to protect. Clarke had preached a new philosophy of blood not having blood and Lexa desperately wanted to embrace it. As crucial as war was, peace was something Lexa was determined to make reality. It was a philosophy she wanted to incorporate into the daily lives of her people even before Clarke had entered her life. She just never had a reason to push so hard for it before. Never had someone willing to stand by her side. The voices in her head were much less tolerant and screamed for bloodshed. She wanted more than that for her legacy.

Peace was such a nice idea.

Until Pike and his soldier, Bellamy, decided to take what was not theirs. Unprovoked, they attacked an unarmed village to gain access to resources the land could provide. They had never even given Lexa a chance as their Commander. She was a fair and just ruler. She would have made every effort to help if Arkadia had wanted for anything. They were her people now. She had pledged as much. But, no, that wasn’t good enough. Pike and Bellamy had sought to undermine every chance at peace she offered.

She could not let their evil go unpunished.

Even Clarke had agreed with her.

Which meant, essentially, that Clarke had to pick a side. And as much as Lexa wanted Clarke to remain by her side, as she had many times previous, she knew the well-being of her people would come first. It’s what made Clarke who she was. They were so alike. Lexa could not be upset with Clarke’s decision to leave because she understood. She was sad, yes. But never angry.

Irritated, she supposed. Not at Clarke. Never at Clarke. Irritated at all the responsibilities that surrounded them both. Irritated that they owed so much to everyone else. It was a great honor to be chosen as Heda but sometimes, oh sometimes, she wished she could go back to being that girl who ran carefree through the woods with Anya. To a time before the black blood was found running through her veins. Or back to the times she sat in silence, gazing up at the stars wondering what the future held for her.

_Did Clarke ever look down to Earth and wonder the same?_

There were no silent times for her anymore. Too many people vying for her attention. Voices demanding that she listen.

It was quiet with Clarke. The world seemed to stop just for them.

Except for when it didn’t.

Happiness was always so fleeting. In the blink of an eye, Lexa had gone from the warm embraces of Clarke’s loving caress to watching her ride away with Octavia in tow, bound for the Ark. Their goodbye had been both sweet and way too short. It was that night they made love for the first time. Full of need and want and passion. Afraid to let the other go. Eager. Hungry. Every touch conveying all the secret desires they kept hidden. Exploring each other. Memorizing the curve of a hip or the feel of a breast cupped in hand. Delighting in the sounds of pleasure escaping lips. Skin on skin. They moved in synch to a rhythm of their own making. Sometimes fast and deliberate. Other times slow and considerate. They were barely able to catch their breaths before something would get them started again. A sly smile. A twinkle in the eyes. A soft touch that lingered a second too long. Their love-making had gone on and on throughout the night. Drunk on the sensations of the other woman their time together had seemed endless.

Except it hadn’t been. And morning had come all too quickly.

Goodbyes were never easy.

“May we meet again, Clarke,” she said sadly, staring into the eyes of the woman she held so dear. She hoped it would not be for the last time. She could admit to herself that she was scared. She had no control over Clarke’s safety once she left Polis. She had no trust in the people from the Ark.

“We **will** meet again,” the blonde insisted, reading Lexa’s thoughts. Arm clasped arm in a respectful gesture of goodbye. The caravan escorting Clarke and Octavia to the border was standing by, watching and waiting. Clarke leaned in close and whispered softly into Lexa’s ear. “I will dream of your kisses on my naked body and wake up wanting you. I’ll let you feel just how much next time I see you.” She stepped back with a teasing smile on her face.

The flush of red that crept onto Lexa’s cheeks was completely foreign to her. Heda did not blush. Only Clarke had the power to cause such a reaction in her.

She liked it.

She remembered her place. Remembered the watchful eyes all around. She coughed. Gulped a few mouthfuls of air to steady herself. Regained her composure. “Stay safe, Ambassador.”

_Please return to me_.

The eight months had passed at a painstakingly slow pace. Updates and communication had been even slower. She was lovesick and worried all at the same time. Lexa behaved as a shell of her former self, sitting high on her throne, going through the motions. She never wavered in her duty though. She was much too strong for that. But the enthusiasm she felt at being leader had left the day Clarke did. She sat back and let the voices in her head take over. Her council members never detected the difference. She knew Clarke was making progress with her people. Lexa never doubted she would. It was a long, tedious process but whatever Clarke was saying was working. Pike was ousted from the group, whether by choice or by vote she did not know. He took off into the woods with a small band of Arkers never to be seen again. Lexa heard rumors they had frozen and died in a cave somewhere south of Azgeda. She didn’t care enough to find out.

She heard of the fighting that occurred within the group that remained. Growing pains from a new society trying to establish itself. She wanted to be there to support her but knew Clarke was strong enough to handle things on her own. It bothered Lexa to know how much Skaikru liked to blame the blonde for their mistakes. According to them, any decision Clarke made was the wrong one. Even if those decisions managed to save lives. She could do no right in their eyes. It was strange to Lexa that they claimed superiority over all others because of their technological advancements but were instead so very close minded and selfish. They were a confusing people.

She hoped seeing her mother had made Clarke happy. Doctor Abby seemed like a tough, sensible woman. If Lexa was honest with herself, and she had no reason not to be, she’d say the older woman intimidated the hell out of her. She figured it had more to do with the Doctor being Clarke’s mom and less to do with her being Chancellor of Arkadia. She suspected a lot of what made Clarke such a strong woman came from Abby. _What is it about these Griffin women that’s so intriguing?_

She had different opinions when it came to Bellamy, however. The guy had certainly seemed to be a worthy and loyal soldier. His infiltration of Mount Weather had been absolutely crucial to their plans. Clarke trusted him and Lexa trusted Clarke. But soldiers were not leaders. He had no one to follow once Clarke left. Without someone ordering him about he was lost. In her absence, he had turned his attentions to Pike. She wasn’t sure if Bellamy was blind or stupid or both. She could not comprehend what his reasoning was behind massacring 300 innocent people who had only been there to protect. But then again, soldiers weren’t supposed to think. They just needed to do. And he did, without question.

Her heart hung heavy in her chest as she remembered riding through the clearing on horseback and seeing the field full of her slaughtered warriors. It had been such a shock. Only minutes before, she and Clarke had been sharing a happy moment full of flirtatious smiles. It hurt Lexa to her core to see the devastation laid out in front of her. She wanted revenge so bad she could taste it.

And it continued to rise in her throat as Clarke relayed the story of being handcuffed to a table by her supposed friend. An act of someone not confident in themselves. It spoke volumes to Bellamy’s character. Lexa would have called for his head then and there if Clarke hadn’t stopped her with a look from those peace-loving beautiful eyes of hers. Sometimes Lexa wondered if Clarke knew how truly powerful she was as Heda. She could have killed Bellamy without a thought and no one would have said a word. No one would have questioned her. No one would have cared. He was nothing to her.

Clarke was everything to her.

And Lexa’s impatience at reuniting was running out.

Until she didn’t have to wait anymore.

There Clarke was, bursting through the doors of her throne room, chest heaving, face bright and full of warmth. She paused in her footsteps at seeing the room full of people. Council discussion trailed off. Time stopped. Lexa almost forgot how to breathe. She stood slowly, gaze never leaving the eyes of the blonde. The whole world vanished and left only the two of them. “Out. Everyone. Go,” she started, softly, afraid to speak and ruin the moment. Afraid she’d wake herself from a dream. Clan members gave silent witness to blue meeting green. “Now!” She threw her hands in the air to emphasize her point.

The sound of feet shuffling. Hushed murmurs. Curious gazes shifting between blonde and brunette. They didn’t know. How could they know? Their love had never been for show. It was pure and it was sweet and it was for them alone. The brightest of spots amid chaos.

An audible click echoed through the room as the heavy door shut behind the last person.

Clarke took a hesitant step toward Lexa. Lexa took a tentative step toward Clarke. It had been a long eight months.

Then suddenly Clarke was running. She spanned the distance between them in half a second. Threw herself at Lexa and jumped into her waiting embrace. She wrapped her legs around Lexa’s hips and was carried by strong arms. Happy tears streamed down their cheeks, overwhelmed. Relief flooded every fiber of their being. Clarke took Lexa’s face in her hands. Lips met eager lips.

_She’s here and she’s okay and she’s mine_ , Lexa thought.

A meeting of two souls that yearned for one another. Held tight and would not ever let go.

It was just that simple. Their story. Destiny. Fate. Whatever the storytellers would call it. No two people more deserving of finding one another. No two people had fought so hard for their happiness. They loved each other. They completed each other. Love was not weakness. Love made them stronger.

It was a theory they would prove time and time again. Their story was never-ending, in this life or the next. Soul followed soul. They were infinitely better together. Heda. Wanheda. Commander. Ambassador. Earth. Sky. Green. Blue.

Lexa.

Clarke.


End file.
